


SEASON 5 - ELIA

by hoeformodric



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoeformodric/pseuds/hoeformodric
Summary: Elia starts questioning his sexuality after an "incident" that happened on their big trip to Salento.
Relationships: Edoardo Incanti/Eleonora Sava, Elia Santini/Filippo Sava, Eva Brighi/Giovanni Garau, Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. EPISODE 1

** EPISODE 1 **

Monday 

01:55

August 31st 

As Filippo was unlocking the doors to his apartment, Elia was impatiently waiting beside him, checking his phone every few seconds to see if his father was calling him. 

Elia moved in with Filippo a few weeks before the trip to Salerno and everything was working out perfectly. Elia got Eleonora’s room which was clean and beautiful. He felt so liberated not having his dad tell him everything he needs to do, he liked Filippo’s tea in the morning, and he loved how the whole apartment always smelled of fresh lemons. The month or so that they were living together was magical. Maybe it was the fact that he was living without his parents for the first time, but he was finally happy. 

In those few weeks before the trip, Filippo and Elia got to know each other better. They rarely talked before and this was the perfect opportunity for them to become friends. Elia loved Filippo’s crazy stories about his best moments in the Via San Giovanni in Laterano (The Gay Street). He even heard the story of how Filippo met Martino there and that one was his favorite. But then came the trip to Salerno which changed their spontaneity and lightness probably forever.

When they finally entered the apartment, Elia stormed off to his room without saying a word to Filippo and closing the doors behind him. He felt the heavy feeling in his chest which he never felt around Filippo and he wanted it to go away, but it was there since everything happened in Salerno.

Elia heard Filippo doing something in the kitchen and as much as he wanted to go there, eat something and talk to Filippo like they used to do it, just a few weeks ago, the ugly feeling in his chest made him stay in his room and forcefully try to sleep.

When he got undressed, lay in bed, and took his phone to set an alarm, he heard Filippo from the kitchen: “I am going out tomorrow morning. Really early. I probably won’t be home until the evening.” Elia exhaled when he heard those words. He wanted to be alone and think about everything, but also spending a day without Filippo was going to be weird. Especially now that they have been seeing each other daily for the past few months. 

Elia turned around in his bed and tried to sleep, but that’s when his phone started ringing. It was his dad. He hated talking to his dad over the phone, but it was better than in person so he just turned on a fake happy tone of his voice and started talking: “Hi dad, sorry I didn’t call you, I am just really tired.”

“I don’t care, Elia, you could’ve just called and told me you are home if you can call that apartment your home.” His dad was mad, as usual when they talked.

“Don’t start again. I like this place, I feel better living alone and paying my own bills. I am going to college in a few weeks dad I think it’s time you get that.” 

“Elia, I would love for you to live alone, but you don’t. You live with that f*g and you know how I feel about that.” 

Elia exhaled deeply and just closed his eyes and tried not to let out a sob that would be loud enough so Filippo could hear it in the other room. “Dad, please don’t start again. You have to get over it. I have other gay friends too.” 

“I don’t care about them Elia, you don’t live with them, what if this boy tries to do something with you?” 

Elia’s breath stopped in his throat and he couldn’t speak. He pictured the house they were staying in while in Salerno and tears started going down his cheeks. “He would never try anything dad.”. 

“Okay, just be careful, you never know around that kind of people.”. Elia muted himself so his dad couldn’t hear him sob loudly, but he was even more concerned if Filippo can hear him. 

“Look, it’s late, I didn’t want to argue again, next time just call me, good night.”. Elia didn’t respond, he just turned off his phone and continued crying into the pillow. He hated his dad so much, especially since he started living with Filippo. He knew hating someone so close to him for so long in his life is wrong, but he couldn’t help the feelings inside him when he thought about his dad. 

He wanted to scream so loudly because of all of the feelings he was keeping in, about his dad, about what happened in Salerno, about how everything will be different now. He enjoyed his peaceful little life of joy with Filippo so much, he loved their apartment, he loved when they watched movies together on the big couch in the living room, he loved when they face-timed Ele and Edoardo together and then finally seeing them in Salerno, he loved all of that so much, and he hated that, now, it was all ruined. 

Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door and he immediately tried to stop sobbing. He wiped his tears with his hand and covered his head with the blanket.

“Are you okay?”, he heard Filippo’s voice and he wanted to peak over the blanket and start crying even more because Filo didn’t ignore his sobs, he actually came to see what was happening. But Elia didn’t do anything, he just lay still, covered with the blanket, and still trying to suppress his sobs.

“Do you want me to stay here?”, Filippo closed the doors behind him and slowly moved closer to Elia’s bed and finally sat down on the edge of it, his hand instinctively searching for Elia’s over the blanket. Elia uncovered his head and looked at Filippo who finally got the hold of Elia’s hand, this time, over the blanket. “I can stay.”. 

Elia felt tears collecting in his eyes again, but he knew he couldn’t cry, he knew that. “No, Filo please just go to sleep, I’m fine.”.

“You are clearly not fine, come here.”. He opened his hands and showed Elia to come closer and hug him. But Elia didn’t move. “You need a hug, and I give best hugs ever.”. Filippo smiled and went to grab Elia by the hand, but Elia wretched his hand out of Filippo’s and started yelling out of nowhere. “I don’t need your fucking hugs, Filippo, I just want to be alone, I asked you to go away already, so please”, he started crying again, tears streaming down his face, sobs coming out of his throat louder than the words, “just go away!”.

Filippo tried to find and hold Elia’s hand once again but figured it wasn’t the best decision. He stood up and walked back to the doors. “I was just trying to help you. I wasn’t even mad at you for everything, for these two fucking seconds, because I saw you needed someone, but I guess you are still mad at yourself.” 

Elia saw few tears come out of Filippo’s eyes, but he picked himself up really quickly and stepped outside of the room. “I will forgive you for ignoring me and being such a fucking prick after what happened, but just accept that you did it because you wanted it.”.

Filippo closed the doors and went back to his room leaving Elia alone again, with everything he said heavily floating in the air around him. Elia started crying again, louder than before, but this time there was no knock at the door. 

Monday

10:50

August 31st 

Elia woke up to his phone ringing. He took the phone from the stand and just shut it off thinking it’s the alarm. After turning to the other side of the bed to continue sleeping he realized it was not the sound of his alarm, but instead it was his ringtone.

He took the phone and realized how late it is. He jumped out of the bed and started panicking and running around. He took the first clean pants he found in his still half-empty closet due to him not unpacking the night before.

As he started running toward the bathroom to brush his teeth and put on one of the shirts he found on the way to the bathroom he realized he still hasn’t called the person who woke him up. 

He took the brush and started brushing his teeth on the way back to his room. He took his phone from the charger and saw it was Emma. He knew why she was calling and he didn’t know what to do. He was supposed to be in their favorite café in 10 minutes and he knew there is no way that is possible. 

He called her back and she answered after one beeping sound: “When are you here? I came too early and hoped you would too, but I don’t see you here.”.

Elia ran back to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste and answered: “I will be late Emma.”. Silence. He knew she was mad, she hated when he was late and he knew he wasn’t supposed to be late again, especially after them not spending almost any time in Salerno together.

“I’ll wait.”. And she hung up. Elia finished brushing his teeth and tried to calm down a bit, but it was hard because he knew she was boiling inside and that wasn’t good news for him.

He went to the kitchen to get something to eat as quickly as possible and so a note on the table. “I hope you have a great and day. And think about everything.”. Elia felt the heavy feeling in his chest again, but he didn’t want to cry.

He took an apple from the table and his half-empty backpack and ran out of the house.

Monday

11:30

August 31st 

“I fucking can’t believe you actually showed up. A couple minutes late? You are half an hour late!”. Emma was yelling in the middle of the café and everyone was listening. “Emma, calm down. I’m here now, I am so sorry, I was up late last night figuring out stuff and I was really tired.”.

Emma was furious, she didn’t want to listen to him, she didn’t want to even look at him. “Fuck off Elia, this was supposed to be our two-month anniversary date and you ruined it, of course, you did.”.

Elia didn’t want to argue, he felt amazingly bad about being late because he knew how much he fucked up during the summer and how little Emma actually knows. He was lying to her and now he is late. He just wanted to hug her and tell her everything and cry, but he knew she wouldn’t understand. And there was just one person who would understand. But that person was currently packing and moving to a different city.

“Emma, please. Let’s sit down and talk, don’t be mad, I know I fucked up.”. Emma looked at him, still mad, but walked to the first table and sat down. Elia followed her and as they sat down he took her hand and kissed it softly. “I’m sorry.”. 

Emma wriggled her hand out of Elia’s grasp and nodded. “I know, but please don’t do that again.”. Elia nodded in confirmation and that’s when the waitress arrived. “Please two double espresso’s and water.”.

As the waitress was walking away, Emma observed Elia closer and said: “I never saw that shirt. It’s cute, when did you get it.”. Elia automatically lowered his look at the shirt he was wearing and his stomach started twisting uncontrollably. It was Filo’s shirt. Not only it’s his shirt, it’s a shirt he already wore once, but in completely different circumstances. He knew it wouldn’t be a big deal to Emma if he said it’s Filo’s, but it’s a big, enormous, thing for him. 

“Um…”, his mouth was dry, “it’s actually Filippo’s. I guess I accidentally took it when I was running around the apartment in the morning.”. She laughed and just brushed it off, but Elia still felt the guilt sitting in his stomach. He wondered how did they shirt even end up outside Filippo’s suitcase and how did he manage to pick that shirt out of all the clothes he has in the whole apartment. 

Monday

23:30

August 31st

Elia was half asleep when he heard the doors being unlocked. He turned around in his bed and tried to fall asleep again without thinking about what was Filippo doing the whole day out.

Filippo placed his jacked and some stuff he bought on the counter and went to get some water in the kitchen. He put some dishes in the washing machine and looked into the fridge to see if there’s anything to eat. When he realized the fridge is empty he sighed loudly and went to his room to change into something more comfortable.

He got some sweatpants and went back to the living room to search for the t-shirt he left there on the couch. But there was no t-shirt. 

Filippo sighed again, and tried to remember if he, maybe, misplaced it or put it somewhere else but he distinctly remembers it being on the couch. 

“Eliaaaa!”, he shouted in an attempt to get Elia out of his room. “Eliaaa!”. Nothing. He already prepared himself for an argument if he had to go into his room again, but luckily as he was about to go to Elia’s room, Elia entered the living room.

“And why are you shouting at this hour?”. Elia was slow and sleepy, he looked like he just woke up from a deep sleep. “Did you maybe take my shirt that was here in the morning?”. 

Elia’s throat tightened and suddenly he was wide awake. “What… what shirt?”. Filippo rolled his eyes in frustration and moved closer to Elia. Elia stepped back when he realized Filippo was coming closer and he lost all of the air in his chest. Filippo moved even closer and whispered: “The one you wore in Salerno.”. 

Elia stepped back and almost fell over a stool that was right behind him. He cleared his throat and said: “I have no idea what shirt you are talking about. I guess you put it somewhere else, don’t blame me.”.

Filippo moved away from Elia and sat down on the couch, turning the TV on. “I guess.”. Filippo was visibly being bitchy and Elia knew it was because he hurt him by saying that. But he just silently turned around and went back to his room.

He closed the doors behind him, turned off the lights, and sat on the edge of his bed and lifted his pillow and pulled out Filippo’s “missing” shirt. He just sat there for a moment, holding the shirt and recalling everything that happened in Salerno. 

He took his phone from the nightstand and found Martino’s number and texted him:

_ I have to talk to you. It’s important, call me as soon as you guys settle in. _

Thursday

19:50

September 3rd 

Elia was watching some shitty reality show on the TV in the living room and ate ice cream Filippo probably bought for himself. As the show was getting more boring than it was, in the beginning, Elia’s phone lit up and his phone started ringing. It was Martino. His heart started pounding loudly, but never the less he answered. 

“Heeey!”, he heard Martino’s happy voice over the phone and felt good for once in the past week. “Let’s go on FaceTime.”. The FaceTime ringtone started ringing and Elia lifted his phone in front of his face.

“Well, how are you?”, Martino asked quite excitedly and Elia really didn’t want to talk about himself just yet. “No, I first want to see your apartment. I want to see everything.”. 

Martino smiled widely and started making an improvised apartment tour pretending he is a realtor. At some point during his tour, Niccolo popped out from the kitchen and Martino practically yelled into the camera: “He’s learning how to cook. Today he’s preparing chicken breast and potatoes. I hope he can’t fuck up that.”. Martino, Niccolo, and Elia started laughing, but Elia quickly stopped when he saw Martino and Nico kiss, and the heavy feeling in his chest was there again.

“So, that’s our little Milano apartment. My college is really close and Nico has to drive a bit longer and that’s it. We are still unpacking and getting to know the city. And we already miss all of you.”, Elia smiled at all of the things Martino shared with him. He was so happy for them and he knew how much Milano meant for them and how much Nico really wanted to live there.

“So what did you want to talk about?”, Elia knew the question was coming, but he wasn’t sure if he’ll be able to pour his heart out over the phone. “Martino, I have been going through a lot.”. 

Elia felt tears coming again and he knew Martino can see it too. “Elia, what’s up? Talk to me.”, Martino was getting panicky and concerned because he never saw Elia cry and it was a strange view even to see his eyes get watery. 

“I don’t know if I can tell you everything over the phone. I hate that you are away, because you are the only person that will understand me.”. Martino was a bit shocked by this statement. He wanted to hug Elia and support him no matter what the problem was. “What if you could tell me everything in person?”. 

Elia stood still and looked and Marti suspiciously. “Excuse me?”. Martino smiled and said: “I’ll call you soon, I have to do something.” and he hung up.

Elia put his phone back on the couch and tried to think about what Marti was talking about. He knew he wasn’t crazy enough to drive back to Rome just to see him. 

As he was thinking about what Marti was doing and his ice cream was melting, Filippo entered the apartment. He didn’t even take off his jacket when he saw Elia eating his ice cream and he quickly rushed to take it from him.

“My ice cream?!”, he took it out of his hands and went to the kitchen, closed it, and put it back into the freezer. “And you even let it melt like that!”, Elia laughed at Elia’s concerned face because his ice cream was half-eaten and melted. 

Elia’s phone started ringing again and he saw it was Martino again. Filippo took some food from the fridge and sat on the opposite couch of Elia and switched the channel. 

“Hello?”, Elia answered suspiciously as he stood up and started walking to his room. “Check your E-Mail!”. Martino was really excited again and Elia rushed to his room, opened his laptop, and opened E-Mail. He saw an E-Mail from Martino.

“What’s this Marti?”

“Open it!”.

Elia opened the Mail and he realized it is a return plane ticket to Milan. He couldn’t believe Martino would buy him a plane ticket just so he could come and talk to him in person. “Listen, I can hear and see you aren’t doing well, you will buy me and Niccolo a nice present for our new apartment, microwave for example, and we are even.”, Elia smiled and nodded multiple times. “Of course. But when is the flight?”.

“Tuesday, I hope that’s okay because I couldn’t find any earlier tickets. And the return ticket is on Friday.”.

“It’s perfect. College starts on the 14th so I have all the time this week before.”.

Elia smiled widely again and thanked Marti ten more times before Marti said he needed to go and get the food Nico finally made. 


	2. EPISODE 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was referring to the place where they were going over the summer as Salerno instead of Salento, my apologies, in this chapter I corrected my mistake.  
> Enjoy and comment if you like it or have something yo say.  
> <3

Monday 

18:36 

September 7th 

Elia and Giovanni said goodbye to Luca who had to go to a date with Silvia. Their relationship was getting better as the months were passing and Elia and Giovanni were so happy for him. 

“So how’s Eva?”

“Good, we aren’t fighting as much as we were in Salento. She was in a bad position at times because she was fighting with her mom every day over the phone, so she, of course, projected that on to me.”. Elia liked how sincere Giovanni talked to him and he hated that he was too scared to open up to him the same way.

“That’s good. I mean the part about you not fighting as often anymore. I hope everything with her mom smooths out soon.”.

“I hope it will. She hates living with her. We wanted to rent a flat together, but her mom won’t let her do it which is another reason why they fight. But anyways. How are you and Emma doing? You aren’t saying anything.”.

Just as Elia was about to speak his phone started ringing. “Wait, Martino is calling me.”. Giovanni raised his eyebrow and nodded his head in confusion.

“Heeey, I just wanted to tell you that Nico will pick you up from the airport tomorrow because I have to go get some papers sorted at my college. Is that okay?”, Elia nodded and answered, “Of course. I can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow!”.

Giovanni raised his eyebrow again when he heard that sentence and nudged Elia. Elia showed him that he is talking and gestured to wait.

Martino made a squeal-like sound and said loudly: “Same here! We are going to all the best restaurants around here.”.

“I can’t wait. I have to go now, I’m with Gio, so I’m being a little rude right now.”, Martino smiled and said, “Well, say hi to him from me and Nico, and tell him I miss him and I can’t wait to see him.”.

Martino said goodbye and hung up. Elia turned around to face Giovanni and said: “He says he misses you and can’t wait to see you.”. Gio smiled, but then remembered what he wanted to ask Elia. “Thanks, but why didn’t you tell me they are coming here?”.

Elia chuckled and showed him the tickets on his phone, “I’m going to Milano tomorrow, he invited me a few days ago.”. 

Gio frowned and looked up from Elia’s phone to his face. “And why am I not invited to this hangout?”. Elia awkwardly bit his lip and sighed. “I have to talk to him about something.”.

“You have me right here Elia. Are we not best friends anymore?”. Elia moved closer to Giovanni and said softly: “No, Gio you are my best friend. But this is different. I can’t tell you why, but once I tell you, you’ll understand.”.

Giovanni looked away and just sat there next to Elia, quietly. Elia wanted him to say something, to not be mad at him, but he knew this was expected. Giovanni turned around to face Elia again and said: “I know this is something important and I will soon hear about it. We are best friends Elia, I hope you will be able to trust me as much as I trust you.”.

Elia nodded and hugged Gio. Gio hugged him back tightly and after a few seconds, they released each other. Gio looked at Elia again and said: “Well, say hi to Martino from me. Ask him all the details about his “smut” drawer, maybe they expanded it to a whole closet.”.

Tuesday 

9:56 

September 8th 

“You have to cut your hair, it’s getting in your face.”.

Elia smiled widely at Niccolo’s friendly complaining. He ran toward him and hugged him tightly. “I missed you too.”.

Niccolo smiled and took Elia’s bag and put it in the trunk. He opened the car doors for Elia and gestured him to get inside the car. Niccolo went around the car and sat in the driver’s seat and turned on the car. He started speaking as they started to drive.

“So, how was the flight? I know that is the most cliché question to ask but I like to be polite.”. Elia laughed and nodded, “It was fine, a bit crowded. I don’t know where all of the people were going at 7 AM, but okay.”. 

“We have to go at pick up Martino and then we are going to his favorite restaurant. Do you want to go and unpack first? I can call Martino to reschedule the reservation.”.

Niccolo was trying so hard to make Elia feel as comfortable as possible and welcome. Elia liked that about him. He was trying to make everything perfect with anyone and cared about people so much. “No, it’s fine. I could always eat. Even if it’s lunch at 10 AM.”.

Wednesday 

19:23 

September 9th 

“So, not to pressure you or anything…”, Martino started talking and Elia knew it’s about time. He came to Milano for this conversation and as much as he wanted to postpone it even more he knew he shouldn’t.

“Yes, I know.”. Elia stopped him and sighed loudly. “Okay, what I will tell you now is something that has been stuck with me since it happened. I am still really frustrated about what I did, how I treated someone, and how I’m treating that someone right now. There is also another someone who isn’t treated right and again it’s my fault.”.

Martino and Niccolo looked at each other and then returned their look to Elia. "Will we find out who those someones are?", Elia could see Martino was curious and he didn't blame him so he just nodded, inhaled a bunch of air, closed his eyes for a moment, and promised himself not to cry.

_At the same time, about 600 km away, Eleonora was calling Filippo on FaceTime. It was ringing a couple of times before he answered. “Let me just go get my tea.”. Ele laughed and nodded. She was in her usual spot in her and Edoardo’s big yard. Filippo sat in front of the laptop and asked her: “Could you please go somewhere private?”._

_Eleonora made a confused face and raised her eyebrow. “Edo is not home, so it’s as private as it gets but why do we need privacy?”._

_Filippo exhaled and said: “I need to tell you something. It’s very weird and I can’t even believe it’s something I’m going through right now.”._

_Ele moved closer to her laptop and Filo saw her eyes getting watery. “You promised me you would wear condoms, Filo you promised!”. She was on the verge of crying and Filippo reassured her he is okay. “No, it’s not that. A promise is a promise Ele.”._

_She calmed down a bit and waited for Filippo to start talking. “Then, what’s going on?.”_

“So it all happened in Salento.”. Niccolo and Martino were patiently listening to Elia but were also eagerly waiting for the whole story because Elia did fly out to Milano just to tell them what he was about to say.

“It was an amazing trip, I got closer to many people and I enjoyed it a lot. Well, most of it. I…” he stopped to take a breath and recollect himself, “Filippo and I became very close during the few weeks I was living with him. He was amazing from the moment I moved in and we had so much fun. And when Ele came to visit, she slept over at Edo’s so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch, which was such an amazing gesture from her. But anyways, Filippo and I continued our bonding in Salento and we hung out together most of the time together, which was getting on Emma’s nerves, which you could see the day we fought.”.

Martino nodded and Niccolo started talking: “She was jealous you weren’t spending time with her?”. 

_“She was jealous he was hanging out with me instead of her which got on my nerves because she is one of those girls who just wants all of the attention on herself. Why can’t he hang out with his friends?”. Ele nodded as Filippo was explaining the whole situation._

_“That is shitty of her, I mean, I get it, sometimes it gets on my nerves too when Edo isn’t paying much attention to me, but he has to have time with his friends, just like I have to have time with mine.”._

_“Exactly. On the day you all were supposed to go to that big beach with cliffs where we were supposed to jump from, they got into a big fight.”._

_“I remember, it was unbearable listening to them like that, I can’t even imagine someone listening to mine and Edo’ fights.”._

_Filippo nodded and continued, he was visibly getting more nervous to talk, and he was pulling his fingers, trying to distract himself from looking directly at Ele._

“So I refused to go to the beach because I really couldn’t stand even looking at her at that point, and I think it was the same for her.”. 

Elia stopped and froze. His thoughts were racing, he was afraid to talk, he was afraid to look at Nico or Marti, he wanted to go home, he wished he never came to Milano, but he knew he couldn’t just leave them at that. 

“Yes, and you stayed back at the house with Filippo. He wasn’t going anyways so it was perfect.”, Nico said and looked at Marti, searching for confirmation. “Yes, that’s what happened.”.

Elia finally looked at them and nodded. “That’s right. We stayed back.”. He stopped talking again, but this time he recollected himself faster and decided he has to pour everything out to Martino and Niccolo because if he doesn’t, he knew he will go crazy.

_“When everyone left Elia sat in the living room and started crying. And I never saw him cry, he was never vulnerable around me, or anyone as far as I know and it was such a strange sight. I sat next to him to ask him what’s going on because I knew Emma wasn’t the only reason he was crying. Because the crying was hard, almost violent.”._

_After a short pause he continued, quietly this time, “He was quiet at first, but when I got closer he just started crying harder and I couldn’t look at him like that.”._

“I wasn’t able to speak at that point, I was sobbing and Filippo was just looking at me with pain in his eyes and I knew I had to speak up. So I did.”.

Martino and Niccolo didn’t expect to hear how their conversation was going, because they knew that was surely something private, but Elia told them everything. Word by word. 

“I was talking through sobs, so I am really surprised he understood anything I was saying. I told him how much I hate fighting with anyone because it brings some dark memories. My father used to beat me when I was a child. Hell, not used to. He still tends to do it sometimes, that’s why I wanted to move away from him. I never told anyone that, anyone. Until Filippo sat down next to me and just asked me what was wrong. That was enough to break me at that moment, and maybe it broke me because it was him caring about me so much.".

Niccolo and Martino were in shock, they didn’t know how to react, or if they should say something or just keep quiet. But Martino spoke up quietly and cautiously, “Thank you for telling us. I can’t even imagine how hard it was living with him for so long, and not saying anything. You should have told us.”.

“It wasn’t that easy. I am still scared of him, I am scared to talk to him face to face, I just couldn’t bring anyone in and get him in trouble. He is my dad at the end of the day. I know I was supposed to speak up, but now I moved out and it’s over.”.

Niccolo stood up and hugged Elia, who was frozen, not crying because he promised himself not to cry, but when Martino did the same and they just stood there, on the balcony of their Milano apartment, frozen and hugging, Elia’s eyes filled with tears and he just couldn’t hold them in.

Niccolo hugged him tighter and when he detached and saw the tears in Elia’s eyes, he rushed to the kitchen and pulled ice cream popsicle out of the freezer. “Here you go, it will brighten you up right away.” Elia smiled and wiped the tears off his face with his sleeve. He took the popsicle out of Niccolo’s hand and unwrapped it. It was perfect for him to calm down while eating it. When he finally calmed down, he continued talking slowly. 

“Filippo did the same as you, he hugged me, he told me I was so brave, but that I was supposed to speak up, and then encouraged me to tell what I told him, to Emma, so she could understand me better.”

_“I hugged him again because he was still crying and I hated to see him like that. He was always smiling when he was with me, I loved hanging out with him because I am always positive and he was just like me. But seeing him like that broke my heart.”._

_Ele was on the verge of tears, she was always sensitive, and hearing this story made her heartache for Elia and she wasn’t even close to him._

_“And then, it happened.”. Filippo closed his eyes and exhaled. “He kissed me.”._

“I kissed him. And I felt like it was the only right thing to do at that moment and when he pulled back in surprise I kissed him again. And again. And again.”.

Martino was in pure shock, his eyes widened and his mouth was wide open, he didn’t know how to react, what to do. “You… what???”.

Elia smiled for the first time since he started his story.

_Ele was in shock as she listened to Filippo continue talking, “He pulled me closer and kissed me more and more, it was like he wanted to do that for so long, and to be completely fucking honest Ele, I wanted to do it too, maybe even longer than him. And when he pushed me down and I laid down on the couch, I forgot about everything, I was lost in my thoughts and I just wanted him.”._

“But, when I was already on top of him, kissing him deeply and passionately, on his neck, lips, jaw, I got in my head and realized I have a girlfriend. I pulled back violently and wanted to run away, be alone, far away from Filippo, but he pulled me back and kissed me again. And as much as my head was telling me to stop, my heart pushed me closer to him and we continued kissing.”

And Elia stopped talking, again, this time feeling like he will never continue. He stood up went to the kitchen took a glass of water and came back. He sat down, looked at Martino who just nodded because he understood the pressure Elia was feeling at the moment, and extended his hand over the table so Elia could hold it.

Elia took his hand and just drank the water in the silence. “And everything happened so fast, I stood up again and started yelling at him, " _I am not like that, I won't fuck you right now just because I am angry at her!_ ", I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth, " _Filippo, I fucking resent myself right now. I wanted to kiss you for so long, but not like this, not now, not in these circumstances.",_ he was shocked as much as I were. I told him something so secretive and something I thought I would never tell anyone.".

Martino and Niccolo were quiet. They just looked at Elia pour his heart out in front of them and they knew it wasn't the time to speak or ask questions. Their friend was telling them things he was too afraid to even confirm to himself.

_“And then he left. He left me after saying that he wanted to kiss me for so long. He just left me there and I was speechless, to say the least.”. Filippo was speaking and trying to avoid Ele’s eyes who was listening in shock. "Filo, look at me, I know how hard it is to hear someone tell you they want you, but they can't have you."._

_Filippo lifted his hands in slight anger and said: "I want to hate him so bad, I want to. He can't just say something like that and then leave."_

_Filippo stopped talking, and Ele saw his eyes were watering, but Filippo wanted to stay strong and he did. "And now because of that kiss, we are strangers living together. And we were so close before that stupid trip, we were so close.". Filippo was now talking through his clenched teeth, he was angry._

_"But I confronted him, Ele, I did. I was not about to take his bullshit. I knew he would try and ignore me, and he did."._

“And I just ignored him the whole day, and the next day, early in the morning, he woke me up and said we had to talk. I figured he would want that, but I couldn’t even confirm to myself that I kissed him and what I told him the day before. We sat down together And he confronted me there and then. I mean, as he should. And I just told him that was a moment of weakness and that we should just be friends. He didn't want to look at me. He said he knew I would say that and that I'm a fucking piece of shit for saying that. And I couldn't agree more. But because Filippo is the best fucking human out there, he told me we could still be friends if I stop lying to him, and I agreed.".

_“But that same day, and every other day of our trip he just ignored me and didn’t even want to look at me. And he was spending time with Emma like he was trying to prove something. I made a truce with him, and if there was one of us who was supposed to ignore another, it was me. But I didn't want to behave like a fucking child as he did."_

_“Filo, you should tell him something again, he can’t just ignore you like that. I understand he probably feels strange and he probably hates himself for fucking Emma over, but he shouldn’t ignore you. You don’t deserve that.”._

_Filippo smiled at Ele’s words and thanked her. "I know he hates himself. Because he knows he isn't in love with her anymore. I believe he loved her at some point, but you don’t just kiss someone else like that, and then CONFESS you wanted to do it for so long, while still loving someone else.”. Filippo was still angry and all the tears that were maybe somewhere in his eyes, ready to come out, were gone._

_Ele nodded and pointed out: "But how did you never realize he was crushing on you. You live together!"._

_He laughed and said: “I never realized because I wanted him so bad too. We were becoming close over the month we were living together like I already told you. I mean, it was obvious to me that there was something between us, I'm not stupid, but I never thought he felt the same because he was with Emma._

“I was with Emma, I am still with Emma, and I still like her, but the problem is”, he inhaled a lot of air and prepared himself for the painful truth he was about to say to his friends, “when I am alone, even before everything that happened in Salento, I don’t think about Emma, I think about him.”.

Friday 

10:55 

September 11th 

Filippo’s Skype ringtone was ringing loudly, sound moving through the whole apartment. He knew it was Ele calling again. He got up from his bed, still sleepy, and walked to the dining table where his laptop was still producing the loud noise.

“Hello my love.”, he said in a grumpy voice. “I was sleeping.”. She laughed softly and sent him a kiss through the camera. “I just wanted to check on you, dumbass.”.

He turned his laptop around so Ele would still be able to see and hear him while he was preparing his tea. “I’m okay. Still in my head a bit.”.

“Filo! I hate it when you are down. I know it’s hard to be as positive and happy as you are usually but think about it. It’s his loss, and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. Please promise me you’ll go out and have fun tonight? This is probably the first time I’m trying to get you out of the house. It was always the other way around.”.

Filippo took his freshly made tea from the counter, took a sip, and looked at Ele, “I will. I promise. I will send you pictures.”.

“And if you meet someone, wear condoms or I will fly out to Rome and choke you. I’m serious.”. Ele put on a straight face and looked at Filippo with seriousness in her eyes. 

Filippo smirked and said: “Mmm, kinky. Now I know what Edoardo has taught you these past few months.”.


	3. EPISODE 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the shorter chapter. My school is about to finish and I have so much work so I am happy I was able to write at least something.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. I will soon make a playlist on Spotify for this fanfiction so you can listen to that too. 
> 
> Thank you for all the Kudos and hits.

Friday

13:14

September 11th

The flight was delayed, so Martino and Niccolo decided to spend some more time with Elia, even if it meant bad coffee at the airport. They sat down in the first café that was closest to the entrance where Elia was supposed to be but won’t be for another few hours.

“So what are you going to do when you come back to Rome?”, Martino asked, trying not to sound like he’s pressuring Elia into anything. Nico side-eyed Martino, but Martino just chuckled at his doubtfulness. “I just asked.”, he exclaimed and turned back to face Elia. Niccolo put a hand around Martino’s neck and let it rest on his other shoulder.

Elia wanted to answer, but his words got stuck in his throat when he saw Niccolo’s hand land on Martino’s shoulder. “I-, I still have to figure myself out. Do I just dump Emma? Or do I first speak to Filippo?.”.

Martino sighed and leaned closer to Elia. “Don’t overthink it too much. Overthinking is the worst thing to do, especially when you are overthinking your emotions.”. Niccolo turned to Martino and kissed him. “See, I just did this because I wanted to and it felt right, I didn’t overthink it.”.

Elia smiled, but inside he’s thoughts were racing and he felt lost. He was glad he told the whole story to Martino and Niccolo because he knew they were the only ones that understood what kind of feelings he felt.

“I have to call Emma.”. Martino’s eyes got wide and Niccolo nudged him to stop making the shocked face. “Good for you.”. Niccolo smiled and took Martino by the hand and said they are going to take a walk to the nearest shop so he can buy himself some gum.

Elia took his phone from the inner pocket of his jacket and found Emma’s number pretty quickly. He was still doubting himself, but he decided to trust Martino and not overthink so he pressed "call". 

“Hello, Elia. You haven’t called for the past 3 days, where have you been?”, Elia already felt the pressure inside of his chest, but he spoke up pretty quickly. “I’m sorry, I’m in Milano. I came to visit Niccolo and Martino.”. 

He could hear her shock over the phone, even though she didn’t say anything. “Well…, you could’ve just called. So I’m not worried.”. Elia sighed loudly into the speaker and Emma knew something was up right away, “Are you okay?”.

“Emma we have to talk as soon as I come back to Rome.”, Emma was quiet at first, but after a small pause she said: “I am available in the evening, will you be in Rome by then?”, “Yes, I’m flying out in a few hours.”.

“Elia I have a bad feeling about this “talk” we have to have. Should I be scared?”, She almost whimpered in the speaker, and it sounded like her voice was trembling. 

Elia inhaled a bunch of air, held it in for a few seconds, exhaled, and quietly said: “I’m not sure.”.

Friday 

20:46 

September 11th 

Emma was waiting for Elia in their usual spot. The same café they had their first kiss in, the same café they both said “I love you” for the first time, the same café they fought the last time they saw each other. Emma knew their relationship probably wasn’t meant to be because they were so similar. And she knew that every flaw she found in him was something she was also able to find in herself.

She saw Elia coming through the big glass in the café and knew what was about to happen. They weren’t together for too long. It was supposed to be their 4-month anniversary soon, but she knew that won’t happen.

As Elia was getting closer to the café he got a message from Luchi, “Are you back? Gio asked me to hang out tomorrow, wanna go with us?”, Elia quickly answered “Yes”, and put his phone in the pocket of his jacket. He stopped in front of the café entrance and took a second to find the right words to tell Emma.

“Hey.”, Emma was very quiet. She looked up and let Elia sit across her. “Hey.”, Elia responded, maybe with an even lower tone of voice than Emma. “So what was so urgent that we had to talk right as you landed.”. She looked at the bag he placed beside him and then looked back up at him.

“We have to break up.”. 

Emma didn’t gasp, she didn’t even flinch, because she damn well knew that was coming. “I knew this was about to happen, Elia, I could sense you getting away from me, literally, and emotionally.”.

Elia sighed deeply and continued talking, trying to avoid Emma’s eyes, “I’m sorry. I have something going on right now and I just have to get it together and find myself. I just don’t want to hurt you.”.

Emma took Elia by the hand and looked at him in the eyes. He started looking away, searching for something random to look at, just to avoid her look, but she called him out, “Elia look at me!”.

Elia automatically looked at her eyes and listened to what she had to say, “I understand you have to do your thing, find yourself, whatever the fuck that means. I will let you go, okay? But I know “Finding yourself” actually means, “I like someone else”, and I don’t care. Go chase after that someone else, but don’t you ever try coming back to me after that someone leaves you and makes you feel like a piece of shit. Because Elia, I know you, I got to know you during these past few months and I see there’s something wrong with you, deep inside. I saw that in your eyes when we fought. Whoever hurt you, did something to you that cannot be changed. So when you do something to that other person and they won’t even want to look at you, just know, I won’t be here.”.

She stood up, took her purse, and left in a hurry. Elia didn’t even turn around to look back at her to see where she was going. He just felt tears running down his cheeks. He knew she was right and he knew what his father was doing to him was wrong and probably scarred him forever.

Friday

23:02

September 11th 

Elia finally decided to go home after sitting in his and Emma’s café for two hours and crying. He was still thinking about Emma’s words that he knew were true. He stood in front of his and Filo’s apartment, looking for keys in his big traveling bag, and then when he tried the knob to see if in any case the doors were unlocked, the doors opened.

Elia felt a weird shiver down his spine because he knew Filippo never leaves the doors unlocked. He entered the apartment, searching for evidence of someone breaking in, but there was nothing broken or missing. He tried to shake off the weird feeling and went to his room to leave the traveling bag and to get undressed. He put on some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt and went to the kitchen to get some food.

As he entered the kitchen he heard some noises coming from Filippo’s room. He didn’t know what it was and he didn’t want to go to his room uninvited, so he just got his food, sat on the couch in the living room, and turned on the TV.

After a few more minutes, the sounds were getting louder, and this time Elia was able to hear, everything that was going on. He heard loud moans and Filippo screaming and he knew what was happening. 

He didn’t know how to react, what to feel, what to say to Filippo the day after, when he will have to look him in the eyes and tell him, "I broke up with Emma for you, and you were fucking with another man".

Elia knew he couldn’t tell Filippo what to do, and who to do what with, but he realized his feelings for Filippo were more than just a stupid crush. 

He left his food on the living room table, turned off the TV, and rushed to his room. At first, he tried to sleep, covering his head with a giant pillow to make the noise and his thoughts go away. But it was impossible to sleep, knowing what was happening in the same house he was in.

He took the bag that was still packed and exited the apartment, leaving it unlocked just like he found it. As he was running down the stairs he was calling Giovanni. He was praying inside that he wasn’t somewhere with Eva, because it was a Friday night after all.

“Elia?”, As soon as Elia heard Giovanni’s voice his heart stopped racing as fast as it was while he was running down the stairs. “Can I come to sleep at your place?”.

“Of course, but what’s going on, you sound like something happened?”, Gio was concerned and Elia was still running, trying to get to the bus stop as soon as possible. He just wanted to get away from his apartment, and Filippo and the man who was in the room with him. 

“I will explain everything once I get there. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes. See you”, he hung up and continued running, seeing the bus getting nearer to the stop. 

Saturday 

00:10

September 12th

Elia entered the small apartment Gio’s parents bought him so he can live on his own while going to college. It still smelled of new furniture and freshly painted walls. The furniture he had was all yellow or brownish and his kitchen was still unfinished. 

Elia looked around, but before he was able to fully step inside Gio almost suffocated him by hugging him tightly. “Are you okay? You sounded awful.”. Elia smiled weakly. Gio was able to see nothing was right about that smile and how ingenuine it was.

After a moment of silence, Eva suddenly stepped out of the bathroom, in a long yellow robe, with her silky ginger hair falling onto her shoulders. She quickly moved toward Elia and hugged him.  _ Gio must’ve told her that I was coming,  _ Elia thought in his head. 

Elia started to move closer to the living room, Gio at his left and Eva at his right side. The three of them were deadly silent, but it wasn’t awkward. Elia knew he would have to talk, and his brain was processing and making up what was he about to say.

They sat down on the newly bought yellow couch. Elia placed his bag on the floor beside it and held his look at the floor for a few moments before returning his look straight up. He then turned around to face Gio and Eva, who both sat down on the right to him.

“First of all, I’m sorry for barging in this late. I thought Gio was alone. You were probably about to fuck, or you already did that, so I'm sorry again for interrupting.”, they both laughed and looked at each other fondly. Elia smiled, weakly again, like it was something he knew he had to do, but didn’t want to. 

“Elia, don’t be stupid. You aren’t interrupting anything. Are you okay? I have to ask you again because you look and sound terrible.”, Gio put his hand on Elia’s shoulder and waited for an answer that wasn’t coming.

Elia thought about everything that happened in the last two days and why he looked so weary. He came out to his friends, he confessed his feelings toward someone he never knew he would be able to like, to them, he broke up with his girlfriend for that same person, and when he came home to tell that same person he was all his, that person, Filippo, was fucking with another man. 

Tears started flooding his eyes and they just started coming out. He wanted to stop them but knew there was no turning back now. 

Eva jumped from the couch and ran to the unfinished kitchen to get some paper towels to dry his eyes out. She saw the pain in him too, and she knew something big was up. 

Gio understood something was going on since the day Elia told him he was going to visit Martino and Niccolo just to “tell” them something. He knew something was boiling inside of Elia and it was finally coming all out of him. 

Elia took the paper towels from Eva and tried to dry his eyes. He sighed deeply and turned to face them again. “I broke up with Emma.”.

Eva opened her mouth, but quickly put her hand over it. “But why?”, she blurted out in shock. “You guys were doing so good and you were such a great couple.”.

Elia was silent. He didn’t know if it was the right time to come out to them, he didn’t know if he wanted to do it yet, he didn’t know how would Giovanni react, he didn’t know. And he was terrified. He started thinking about all of the worst scenes in his head, even though he knew Giovanni and Eva were both so chill about Martino being gay. But he just thought everything was going to be different for him.

After a moment of silence, he finally collected the courage to let out at least a fraction of truth to them, because they deserved it after letting him barge in like that. 

“Because I fell in love with someone else.”. 

Dead silence. It wasn’t awkward this time either, but it was suspenseful. It was the first time he said he loved Filippo out loud. Maybe not necessarily with his name attached, but it was still something.

He wanted to disappear because he knew the questions were coming and he didn’t know all the answers.

Gio understood. Because a few years back he was in the same position as Elia. He understood the pain of leaving someone you loved, but there wasn't any passion left, for someone new who made you feel special again. 

“Who is it?”, Eva asked unintentionally. She knew she wasn’t supposed to ask that, but her curiosity got the best of her. Gio turned around to look at her and sighed, visibly annoyed.

Elia was silent and Gio looked at him, hugged him again, and whispered in his ear: “Don’t tell us.”. 

Elia’s eyes got wide and he looked at Gio, puzzled and confused. “Figure everything out, then tell us who she is. I love you man, and I want everything best for you. But I see the pain you have inside you and I just want you to figure yourself and your relationship with her. And you have to process and digest the breakup you just had. I know you were the one who broke up with her, but it is still a process to go through.”

Elia smiled. This time he smiled because he meant it. His heart and whole chest got warm because of Gio's words. He loved his friends so much and he knew Gio understood him. He was still sad because he wasn’t able to say that it was a “him” out loud. But he knew it will come soon. He knew he will be able to say it loud and proud. Soon.

But Gio's words stuck with him. And he was happy. For a moment, he was happy.


	4. EPISODE 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so sorry for not uploading for so long. i was away for some time and really didn't have any motivation to write. but here is this. so enjoy.

Saturday 

11:04

September 12th

Elia woke up to the sound of cups and plates being brought out of the cupboards. He heard “Buon Viaggio” playing on the speaker and smiled into the pillow as he was tossing around the bed trying to wake himself up.

He heard Giovanni and Eva singing the chorus loudly and he remembered their trip when he was the one singing the same song, waiting for Martino to wake up and introduce Niccolo to them. 

As he listened to Eva and Giovanni continuing to sing the song, he just wished all of his friends were the ones waiting for him to reveal his new love to them. He wanted to see their faces when he would show them, Filippo, with his messy, now brown, hair and the lip ring. 

He stood up from the bed and went to the kitchen slowly. He entered just as the song was finishing and Gio and Eva looked at him with bright smiles on their faces.

“Look who woke up from a deep slumber. I was worried you were doing something besides sleeping there.”. Eva smiled and side-eyed Giovanni who laughed at his own words. 

“No, don’t worry. I was just exhausted from traveling.”. Gio smiled and nodded. He gestured Elia toward the beautifully set up table with plates, cups, and much more food than they would be able to eat. 

Elia sat down across from both of them and took some bread and started spreading some jam on it. Eva poured him coffee in one cup and juice in another and then finally sat down and started eating alongside Gio. 

“I wanted to tell you that Luchi finally got us another gig in a small bar downtown.”. Elia’s eyes got wide quickly and he put down his bread. “Finally! We were waiting for that for such a long time.”.

Gio nodded and moved closer to Elia. “Not to be a pain in the ass right now, but we need a new song. So we can add it in between the covers. Thai is a great opener, but we need another one of ours.”.

Elia nodded and pretended like it won’t be hard writing a whole song while feeling so insecure about himself and the whole situation that was happening. 

“Of course, it’s not a problem. And now I have a proposition for you.”. 

Gio raised his eyebrow and turned his look away from Elia to Eva. Eva shrugged her shoulders and Elia spoke again: “Can I move here. Just for a few weeks.”.

Gio looked at Elia suspiciously and said: “And what about Filippo?”. Elia gulped loudly and tried to avoid Gio’s eyes. “We fought. And I just want to live alone. But while searching for an apartment it would be nice if I could live here.”.

Gio smiled and said, “Of course you can.”.

Saturday

14:05

September 12th

Elia unlocked the doors of Filippo’s apartment. He came to pick all of his stuff out and move out, but he realized the apartment was empty. He walked through the hallow rooms which felt empty without the smell of Filippo’s exotic teas. Elia liked the idea of being alone in the apartment because he knew he would completely break if he was to see Filippo standing in front of him at that moment.

He went to the kitchen because he knew if Filippo left a note or something it would be there.

And it was. A small, yellow post-it note was taped onto the kitchen counter and on it, written in Filippo’s neat handwriting, said: “I am going away for a week, I’ll be back next Saturday. The fridge is full so you won’t starve.”.

Elia smiled and put the post-it note into his pocket without even thinking.

He called Gio and they went through the details of where will Elia sleep and for how long will he stay at Gio’s after he moves out. He told Gio he will be moving out next weekend because he has the whole apartment for himself for the upcoming week. 

Elia suddenly felt lighter, like some enormous weight fell off of his chest. He turned up his favorite music and skipped around the apartment feeling pure excitement. 

Being alone wasn’t something he experienced too often as a child, and when he was alone it wasn’t pleasant or fun. He shrugged off the bad memories of his childhood and focused on his favorite song and sand the loudest he was able to.

After a few minutes of him yelling and running around the apartment, he heard loud knocks at the door. He turned off the music immediately and he walked slowly towards the door and looked through the peeking hole to see who was standing there.

An old lady with big chubby cheeks and a long red sleeping dress was standing there knocking harder than before and expecting Elia to open the door.

“Hello.”, he opened the door and put on the politest face and a fake, huge smile over his face. “What in the hell are you boys doing here?”. Elia raised his eyebrow and apologized quickly. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, the loud music and stomping won’t happen again, I promise.”. 

The lady still had an angry face on and started swinging her head left and right and looked back at Elia, “I hope you are telling me the truth. Young man, I don’t care what you and your, whatever you call him, do together, but I couldn’t sleep the whole day yesterday because of the loud noise coming from your apartment.”. 

Elia blushed so hard that he was sure his whole face was bright red and burning. His tongue twisted as he was trying to explain the situation to the woman standing in front of him, but she didn’t care the slightest bit. 

“We are, not, what…”

“I don’t care what you are, but please, next time do your dirty business on the bed because the floors are creaky as it is.”. 

She turned around and went downstairs to her apartment, but Elia was unable to move. His face was probably even redder than before, burning more and more and he felt like he will never be able to speak to any of his neighbors ever again. 

Monday 

10:45

September 14th

Elia entered the big building the second time that day. He was trying to get used to the interior and the big organization board at the entrance of his new university. He was studying political sciences which always surprised people when he told them he is interested in that.

His second class was about to start, and he settled into a big room which was sparsely filled up with about 40 students minding their own business on their laptops or reading some big textbooks.

Elia sat down on the right side of the room, where there was the least amount of students and opened his small laptop. After a few minutes of him being alone with himself, peacefully waiting for the professor to come in and start the long lection, a tall girl with bright, sky-blue hair sat next to him. 

He raised his eyebrow and looked at her, a bit confused. ”You mind if I sit here? I know there are many other empty “spaces”, but you seem interesting enough and I need new people to hang out with, so we can be friends.”.

Elia smiled at her energy and confidence. It reminded him of himself at the beginning of high school when he was just starting to hang out with Gio and Martino. He was always the dickhead who was overly confident and almost vulgar. 

But this girl was far from that. She was tall, taller than him. She had big brown eyes, uneven nose, and beautiful big lips which stretched out into a big smile every few seconds and unveiled her pearly white teeth and a smiley piercing. Her sky-blue hair was the most unusual thing about her, but it was the thing that drew the most attention and Elia was drawn to her the second she spoke.

“I’m Martina.”. She smiled again and Elia felt dizziness in his head and he didn’t like the feeling even one bit. Or maybe he did.

“Hi, I’m Elia.”. 

He looked at her again, this time even more thoroughly than just a few seconds ago. Her hair looked even brighter and her smile even prettier. 

“You know any of these assholes?”, she gestured towards the scattered mass of people around the other side of the room. “I went to high school with most of them.”.

Elia smiled and said: “I don’t know them, but I’m glad I met you first so I don’t have to go through the pain of meeting and talking to some assholes, as you say.”.

She laughed and Elia blushed slightly at that sound. She blinked her eyes once more at him and then the professor entered the room and started the painfully long class.

Thursday 

15:58

September 17th

Elia unlocked the doors to his, well technically Filippo’s, apartment, and entered with a big shout. “Here it is! Home sweet home.”. Martina threw her bag next to the shoes which were scattered around the floor. 

“It’s so big Elia. How can you afford to live here alone?”, she pointed out excitedly. “You are surely some rich kid, but you didn’t tell me about all of your money because you don’t want me to feel bad. Where do you keep your golden coins? I know you probably count them every night before bed.”. 

Elia laughed wholeheartedly and smiled back at her. “Yes, of course, I do, and then I put them in a big golden basket, one by one.”. 

She laughed back and threw herself at the big couch. “But this apartment is fucking awesome.”. Elia made his way to the kitchen to get some iced tea from the fridge. “Sadly it’s not mine.”. 

Martina practically jumped from the couch and panickily asked: “Did we just break into someone’s apartment?!”.

Elia smiled and brought two glasses to the small coffee table in front of the big couch Martina just jumped off of. “That would be exciting, but no. It’s my friend’s Filippo’s, he used to live here with his sister and mother, but his sister moved to the States and his mom comes home every six months so he needed a roommate.”.

She finally relaxed after hearing they didn’t just commit a crime and slowly sat next to Elia. She took a sip of the iced tea and smile. “Well, that’s amazing. I’m sure living with friends is amazing. I wish my parents would let me do that too.”.

Saturday 

20:19

September 19th 

The whole apartment was echoing with Elia’s and Martina’s screams which sounded more like whimpers because they tried to keep it down. Elia knew how angry the old lady that lives under them and he wanted to keep it down and not have another unpleasant encounter with her.

As Martina screamed again, he pushed a big pillow at her face and laughed when it hit her harder than intended. The sun was already down and the whole apartment was in the dark because watching horror movies with lights on was for pussies. 

The Evil Dead sounded like a cliché old horror movie, but Elia found it scary. Maybe more disgusting than scary. And Martina, who told him, even before they started watching the movie, that she liked almost every kind of movie, but horror wasn’t one of them.

She screamed at every scene with blood on the screen, and there was a lot of blood. After another scream, Elia started laughing even more, but shushed her at the same time and instructed her to bury her head in the pillow before screaming that loudly. 

At the pinnacle of the movie, the doors started unlocking, but thankfully they didn’t hear it from the loud, scary music coming from the TV.

Filippo entered the dark apartment quietly, not his usual entrance because he heard the TV was on and he realized Elia was watching a movie and didn’t want to disturb him. He put his shoes on the pile of shoes that was waiting for him just as untidy as he left it.

He took his coat off and realized there is a long purple coat hanging on their coat hanger in the hall. He knew Elia would never wear something that cute and in such a great color and he immediately knew Elia brought someone home.

He entered the living room, which was connected to the kitchen where he was aiming to get, and saw Elia and a bright-blue-haired girl scooching up, a bit too closely, and staring at the big screen.

He waited for the scary scene to end and then moved closer to the couch. “And who do we have here?”, he said slowly, but loud enough for both of them to hear him over the loudness of the movie.

Martina screamed even louder than before and turned around in terror. Elia looked at Filippo in disbelief and paused the movie.

“What are you doing here?”, Elia said too loudly and too quickly. “It’s Saturday, you dumbass. I told you I’d be back by today. I hoped you would bring your hookups while I was away and not the day you knew I’d be coming back.”

Elia’s eyes got huge. He couldn’t believe Filippo has to say something about bringing home “hook-ups”, when he’s the one who did it in the first place.

He didn’t want Martina to listen to their fights so he just stood up and moved closer to Filippo, “This is Martina. We met on the first day of college.”.

Filippo looked at her, trying to seem like he didn’t care about her bright blue hair and beautiful pearly teeth. He noticed the smiley piercing too and he knew Elia loved that the first time he met her. He stared at her for wat too long so he moved his look back to Elia. 

“And what are you two doing here? Besides watching this stupid movie?”.

Martina started tugging at her sleeves, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She thought Filippo was “as bright as sunshine with a big smile and curly brown hair”, but he just seemed very gloom and jealous. 

“Nothing. And as a matter of fact, why do you care? You’ve been away for a week. You didn’t tell me where were you, you didn’t call me once, and you just left a stupid note.”.

Elia was getting furious, and he hated that Martina was standing right there, witnessing a fight in the making. “And why would you care where I went? Maybe I got myself a boyfriend and went to visit his family in Portugal. It doesn’t matter to you, right Elia?”.

Elia felt his cheeks burning and he felt like he was going to explode. He took Martina’s hand and pulled her away from Filippo, all the way to his room, which he immediately locked.

“I’m sorry about him. He isn’t usually like this, I don’t know what happened.”

Martina sat on Elia’s bed and pulled him down beside her. “It seems to me like he was jealous. And to be honest, like you were jealous too when he said the thing about him finding himself a boyfriend.”.

Elia blushed again. He moved his head away from Martina and looked at the floor. “No, no I wasn’t jealous. I just hate when he makes up stupid stories to seem smart and funny and I don’t know.”.

Martina placed both of her palms on Elia’s face which was facing the floor. She lifted his head back up and pulled him closer. Their faces were inches away from each other’s and Elia felt something in his stomach.

“I know there’s something Elia. You aren’t acting like that for nothing.”, she said and let go of his face. Elia wished she held him for a bit longer but was also kind of glad she let go of him. 

“I have to tell you something, Martina.”. She looked up and smiled showing off her smiley piercing. “Yes?”. 

“I think I’m bisexual.”. Elia exhaled after he said those words. He liked saying it out loud. Especially to someone he didn’t know that well and he knew she wouldn’t mind and he knew she will be the one who will listen to him.

“Me too.”.

Elia looked at her, eyes wide, mouth open, but forming a huge smile. He liked how she said it so nonchalantly like it doesn’t even matter. Like it’s just something that is there, and exists and doesn’t need further explanation. He liked how she smiled right after she said it and took his hand firmly and he knew she was the one who understands him.

As happiness was oozing from him, so was his confidence. He looked at Martina and pulled her closer, closed his eyes shut, and kissed her.

She pulled away very quickly, practically pushing Elia away. Elia felt everything in himself drop and die. All of the confidence and happiness he was feeling just a few moments ago were gone and he felt humiliated. 

“Elia, you are an amazing guy who just came out as bisexual to a girl he barely knows, and, thanks to some good luck, the girl is bisexual too and understands the confidence boost and happiness of coming out, but I can’t kiss you back. I’m taken.”

Elia felt even worse after she said that. “You don’t know me enough for you to try to kiss me. You didn’t even know I was in a relationship. That’s how poorly we know each other. I know we will be amazing friends, I mean we already are, but even better in no time. But we know each other for less than a week, and you try and kiss me. “.

Elia laughed quietly and looked back and Martina who wasn’t even startled. She was calmly speaking and explaining just clear facts to Elia.

“By the way, I know something happened between you and that Filippo guy the moment he spoke up and I screamed like a baby.”.

Elia nodded while laughing and hugged her tightly. He felt a small stream of tears coming up to his eyes and he was too weak to push them away. “Martina, thank you for understanding. Thank you for being the same as I am, thank you for not slapping me after I kissed you.”. 

She smiled and pushed Elia away, just slightly, so he can face her. “Thank you for being honest. Not to me, but yourself.”.

Elia wiped away his tears and smiled again. “And yes, there was something between me and Filippo, but I can’t bring myself to talk about that right now, but let me see that someone of yours. I’m sure they are the happiest person on earth to have you.”.


	5. EPISODE 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so let's just say this: i was really having a huge writer's block, then I went on a trip with my family and now that I got back, I finally managed to write this chapter and it is long and I'm sorry if there are some mistakes but i really did the best i could. the chapter is very heartbreaking tho. I'm sorry once again.
> 
> (plus, let's just pretend the song faccio un casino by coez doesn't exist and elia wrote it, k thanks)

Wednesday 

14:00

September 23rd 

Elia and Martina were sitting together in a small restaurant close to their University. Martina was going on about how Carlo, her beloved boyfriend, talked to her about how he would like to go to Milano because he never went and he wanted to see it.

Elia’s eyes got huge and he excitedly blurted out too much information at once, “Gio, Luchi and I are going to Milano this Friday evening! We are going to visit Martino and Niccolo, you know, I told you about those two, and you should come with us!”.

Martina nodded and blushed. “You would bring us along?”. Elia smiled widely and nudged her on the shoulder. “Only if I get to meet Carlo before Friday.”. 

She laughed out loud and took her phone out of her bag. She silently, with a big smile still on her face, searched for someone’s contact, and pressed call.

“Hey babe, would you like to come and pick me up after all my classes are finished today. Someone wants to meet you.”.

Elia heard laughter on the other side of the line and he was really scared Carlo will now think he likes his girlfriend, which wasn’t completely untrue, and he blushed and turned away from Martina.

“Yes.. okay. See you then. Bye.”. She finished the conversation and loudly said, “Well he is coming.”.

Elia tilted his head back so he was able to see Martina and nodded shyly. “Is he mad?”, his voice was low, and he was genuinely scared which made Martina laugh. 

“Don’t worry. He knows I have boys as friends. And he knows you are my best friend currently.”. Elia liked the sound of that. Them being best friends. Even though he knew Gio was his best friend regardless of anyone else.

Wednesday 

18:14

September 23rd 

“Hello, beautiful.”. Carlo hugged Martina as she ran into his arms the moment she left the big university building.

Elia was standing next to them, looking at the floor, trying not to feel like the biggest third wheel. 

Carlo and Martina kissed quickly and turned back to Elia who was slightly blushing. “He is embarrassed.”, Carlo pointed out with a small grin on his face.

Martina smacked Elia gently on the head and smiled brightly. “This is my lovely boyfriend Carlo.”.

Carlo smiled at Elia and extended his long, muscular arm toward Elia. Elia shook his hand and smiled shyly. “I am Elia.”. 

Carlo laughed and answered: “I know, she talks about you too much. Should I be worried?”.

Elia blushed again, but Carlo told him to be relaxed and that he trusts Martina too much. Martina kissed him on the cheek and smiled back at Elia.

“So? Can we tag along now?”. Carlo’s eyebrows frowned and he looked at Martina, then at Elia, and then back at Martina. “Where?”, he asked still confused.

“To Milano!!”, she shouted rapidly and Carlo was even more confused now. 

“Yes, we are leaving this Friday. Just go home and buy yourself some plane tickets because they will sell out pretty quickly.”.

Carlo smiled at Elia and looked at Martina with big eyes and excitement in them. “We are going to Milano?”. She nodded and he lifted her from the ground and kissed her a few too many times from Elia’s perspective.

“Let’s go home, we have to buy those tickets.”. She nodded and took his hand and intertwined their fingers together. They said goodbye to Elia and as they were leaving she turned around once again and whispered: “Thank you so much” towards Elia. 

Friday 

23:09

September 25th 

The hotel was quiet and the laughter and stomping of five excited teenagers, approaching the stage of being young adults, disrupted the peace. Martina and Carlo were holding hands and in their other hand, each of them had a traveling bag. Luchi, Gio, and Elia walked in front of them, turning around every few seconds and mocking their hand-holding. 

Martina untangled her fingers from Carlo’s and showed them her middle finger and all of them fake gasped in unison. 

Elia was happy they took this trip together. He had his best friends by his side and his new friend too. His mind and feelings weren’t constantly pointed at Filippo. His friends’ laugh made him happy and fluttery and he just couldn’t wait to spend the weekend with them.

They picked up their room keys and the reception and rushed to their rooms which were, surprisingly, all on the same floor and pretty close to each other.

Elia and Gio were in the same room together, while Luchi got a room for himself next to theirs. Martina and Carlo were few rooms away in the biggest room out of the three with a big king-sized bed.

Saturday 

00:32

September 26th 

Elia finally threw himself on the bed, showered, and tired from the trip. He looked at Gio on the bed next to him and smiled. “You know, I needed this trip”. 

Gio smiled and opened his eyes to look at Elia. “I’m glad you wanted to go with us, and tomorrow it will be just like before summer and college.”. 

Elia’s eyes got filled with tears, but he sucked them back in and just smiled honestly. “I can’t wait to see them again.”.

“You saw them a few weeks ago, I can’t wait to see them and their apartment. I can’t believe Martino was the first one of us four to move out of Rome.”. 

Elia smiled and nodded, “They are so cute together, you have to see them. Living together and they were amazing hosts and their apartment is always clean which is surprising because they are still two teenage boys.”. 

Gio saw something spark in Elia’s eyes but he couldn’t connect how Martino’s and Niccolo’s life could affect Elia that much. He decided to forget about it and just made a funny remark:

“Hey, Niccolo is twenty, he is a grown-ass man now.”.

Saturday 

10:54

September 26th 

“We said we were going to leave at 10 and now is almost 11. I hate unorganized people.”. Martina yelled at the four boys in front of the hotel. Their eyes were still puffy from sleeping and they weren’t even listening to her.

“So, Carlo and I are going shopping and eat something. So see you at 22:00 in front of the club?”.

Luchi nodded and gestured toward Gio to send her the address. “Yes, here is the address, you’ll get it on WhatsApp in a minute.”

She nodded and took Carlo by the hand and they walked away in the opposite direction of the other three boys.

“So where do they live?”, Luchi and Gio turned toward Elia who was trying to wake himself up by staring at the sun. “Just follow me.”.

Saturday 

11:36

September 26th

Martino opened the doors after three knocks and the smile he had on his face when he saw his best friends standing in front of him was unbelievably big and honest. 

He jumped into Gio’s arms as soon as he saw him and they hugged for a solid 10 seconds. Niccolo showed up behind Martino and jokingly said: “Hey, I thought you have a girlfriend.”. 

Gio laughed whole-heartedly and hugged Niccolo proudly. Luchi, Elia, and Martino hugged collectively and then they finally all entered the tidy apartment. 

The table was all set with too many chairs for all of them. Glasses were already out and Niccolo just took out some wine to the table.

When they all sat down, Niccolo poured them some wine and put on some music on the speaker.

“So, how is it? Living together in a new city?”, Luchi asked as soon as he got the chance to speak. “Amazing. We feel so independent and sometimes we fight, of course, but it’s not often.”.

Martino smiled at Niccolo’s words and nodded in agreement. “And how are you guys doing? Luchi and Gio mainly, I saw you a few weeks ago.”. Elia laughed at Martino but agreed.

“Well, Eva and I are supposed to move in together, but she is still fighting with her parents about it.”.

They talked for a long time, laughed, and smiled. And it was perfect. It was just like before and Elia knew in his heart this is how he should feel all the time. Happy.

Saturday

19:38

September 26th 

After lunch and walking around the city, the five boys went back to Martino and Niccolo’s apartment to set everything up for the small dinner they were planning. 

Martina and Carlo were supposed to come at 20:30, so the boys rushed to the apartment and started preparing the dinner and setting the table.

Niccolo realized his speaker is silent and he went to put on some music again, but when he saw Elia and Luchi setting the table and Gio trying to find more candles he knew which song to play.

“Buon Viaggio” started playing from the speakers and the other four boys in the room turned their heads rapidly toward Niccolo. 

“I always thought this is mine and Martino’s song, but you played it and it became our song, because of you guys. It’s safe to say it is the song for all of us.”. 

Elia smiled widely and they all started singing loudly as they continued preparing dinner and setting the table.

“Share the love, share the love, share the love!”.

Sunday

13:09

September 27th 

Niccolo and Martino just woke up after a long night of guests and dining. Elia was still sleeping on their couch while the rest of the boys and Martina already took their stuff and went back to their hotel.

Martino kissed Niccolo good morning and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He left his phone on the counter and saw there was a long message from Filippo. 

And he knew exactly what was it about.

_ A week earlier, Filippo sent him many messages about struggling to think about anyone besides Elia, he even brought other guys home but he was still just thinking about Elia sleeping peacefully in the other room and he hated the feeling. He felt like he was betraying him but in front of him, he was just being cold.  _

_ He saw Elia losing interest and he knew it was over when he brought Martina home. He poured his soul to Martino and Martino vowed to Elia he wouldn’t say anything to anyone so he pretended he didn’t know Elia still liked Filippo.  _

_ He told Filippo to write a message like he is sending it to Elia so maybe it would be easier for him to, then later, say it out loud.  _

So when Martino saw the long message from Filippo he knew EXACTLY what is it. Instead of making coffee, he went to the bathroom to shower with cold water so he could be very awake when he would be reading the message from Filippo. 

He locked the bathroom and entered the shower.

At that point, Niccolo decided it is time to wake up and make coffee because he figured Martino decided not to. He finally got out of bed and stepped into the kitchen and put the coffee to brew. 

He started cleaning the dishes from the night before and putting them in the dishwasher when Martino’s phone lit up and made a noise as a message arrived.

He looked to see who is it, not because he was nosy or anything like that, he just wanted to know if it’s something important.

He saw the contact name was “F” and a long message which started with: “I know we haven’t talked properly in a while, but I need to talk about everything that happened in Salento.”.

Niccolo’s eyes got huge and he wanted to unlock the phone to read the whole thing and see what the fuck happened in Salento, but he knew that isn’t the thing to do.

His mind started spinning, all the worst scenarios started showing up in his head. He left the coffee behind him and ran to his room and took his backpack and a few shirts, got dressed, and left the apartment.

He sent Martino a message right after he stepped out of the apartment and then turned off his phone.

Moments later Elia woke up, confused, and dazed from all of the wine he drank the night before. He saw Martino coming out from the bathroom and searching for Martino around the house.

He picked up his phone and his eyes got huge.  _ I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything. _

Martino figured out what happened, he figured out Niccolo probably saw the beginning of that message and his imagination didn’t have to be wild enough to figure some scenarios out. He started running frantically around the house, getting dressed but at the same time trying to get Niccolo on the phone.

Elia was confusingly watching this happen in front of him so he finally decided he had to step in.

“Hey, Martino, man, what the fuck happened?”. 

Martino was on the verge of tears because he heard Niccolo’s voice mail again. “Elia, he will hurt himself, I have to find him and explain everything.”.

Elia was now confused and scared. “What the fuck happened?”. He took him by the hand and tried to calm him down, but Martino started crying.

“Let me go. LET ME GO! I have to find him!.”. He was now panicking and Elia had to do something to calm him down. “LISTEN TO ME MARTINO! You have to calm down, you will faint.”. 

Martino started exhaling, his breaths were short and panicky. “Sit down and tell me what happened and we will go and look for him together.”. 

Martino nodded, still in shock. He pushed his phone into Elia’s hand and said: “Open the message from F, I wasn’t supposed to show you this, but know I have to. Niccolo must've thought it was from someone I had an affair with. And I would never, NEVER, do anything like that to him. I really truly love him, Elia.”.

Elia nodded and hugged Martino. "I know you do.". He then took Martino's phone and started reading.

_ I know we haven’t talked properly in a while, but I need to talk about everything that happened in Salento. My mind is racing every single day, there are so many thoughts in my head, but all of them end up being about you. Sometimes I just sit in my room and have a huge urge to stomp to your room and open the door dramatically and kiss you and maybe do more. It is so hard to even look at you after everything that happened. It is hard to think about you in any other way. When you said you wanted to kiss me for so long, I felt the same. I like you a lot, Elia, and I want a lot with you. But you seem to just ignore that, even though I know you feel the same. I heard you dumped Emma, and I wanted to talk to you about it and maybe suggest we try something, but I am a coward and I know you are one too. And even if I suggested something, you wouldn’t listen and you would just run away. Maybe someday you’ll get to hear this, but for now, I am too afraid to even say all of this out loud. _

Elia was in shock. He knew Filippo surely had some feeling for him, but he didn’t know it was as intense as he felt. He just wanted to call him and tell him how much that meant, but he realized he wasn’t supposed to read it.

He wanted to do a lot about it, but he realized Martino started hyperventilating next to him again. “Hey, hey. We can go and search for Niccolo now, you surely know some places he could be.”. 

They stood up, took the keys, and left the apartment.

Tuesday 

18:09

September 29th 

“Hey, did you finally manage to explain yourself?”.

Elia was on the phone with Martino who was still alone in their apartment. “No, he answered my phone Monday morning when he knew you guys would be gone and he just told me he isn’t available and in the right mindset to talk to me at the moment.”.

Elia didn’t like the sound of that and he was getting scared Niccolo would do something to himself and it was even worse because he felt his and Filippo’s childish behavior were the reason this all happened.

“I will try and call him today for you, okay? You have to calm down and relax just a bit because you will get an anxiety attack again and no one wants that, okay?”. 

Martino quietly said okay and hung up the phone. Elia realized this is the time he has to get things straight with Filippo. He needed to do that for himself and also for Martino and Niccolo.

Filippo was out again and it became a common occurrence that he would leave very early in the morning and get back later than he was supposed to just so he could avoid Elia at all cost.

As he was thinking about what he wants to say to Filippo he realized he still hasn’t written a song for Gio. And Gio begged him to do it. And then words started forming in his head and he started writing them down.

Tuesday 

23:34

September 29th 

After so many trials and errors and trying to find the right key to play and sing the song in, Elia finally finished the song. 

He looked at the paper where he wrote the first lyric that came to his mind hours ago and decided to finally play the whole thing from the top.

The song was about him and Filippo, and as much as he wanted to tell himself that it is about Emma and their broken relationship, he knew that it wasn’t true. 

He knew every word was for Filippo and Filippo only.

_ Sono partito senza salutare _

_ E senza fare il biglietto _

_ In fondo cosa avrei dovuto fare? _

_ Boh, forse lasciare un biglietto _

_ E fare la figura dello scemo _

_ Era meglio se non ti conoscevo _

_ E tu a giocare sei brava davvero _

_ Ma non con me _

_ Dici di sì, mentre te ne vai _

_ Un po' di te _

_ Rimane qui anche se non vuoi _

_ Amami o faccio un casino _

He sang it again, and while he was singing the second verse(^), which may be hurt him the most, he sensed that somebody was standing behind him and he knew it was Filippo. And he didn’t want it to be him, but at the same time, he was praying it was him and he just heard him sing all those words.

Filippo was standing behind him with his hand on his mouth trying not to let the sob out. Elia stopped playing and turned around. He saw him there, visibly shaken. He stood up, put his guitar on the floor, and walked towards him and hugged him. 

“I am sorry Elia.”, Filippo said through tears which triggered Elia a lot. “No, I am the one that is supposed to be sorry. I stopped talking to you, it was me, even though I was the one who kissed you first, it is all my fault. And then I was mad at you because you were with some guy right after I broke up with Emma like you were supposed to know I broke up with her. I later figured you figured out I did and it bothered me so much you didn’t try anything with me, but it was also my fault because I ignored you.”.

Filippo started sobbing, this time loudly. He spoke through tears, “I ignored you. For fuck’s sake I am out from 6 in the morning to midnight just to avoid you. That’s pathetic. I am always pretending I am so cold and confident around you, but I am breaking.”.

Elia hugged him tighter and whispered into his ear. “I read what you sent to Martino.”.

Filippo froze. He stopped crying, probably from shock. He moved slightly away from Elia and looked at him with panic in his eyes. “YOU WHAT?”.

“Martino didn’t want to show me, but he had to because of all the crap that happened with Niccolo.”. 

Filippo’s eyes got even wider, “What the fuck happened with Niccolo?”. Elia was shocked he didn’t know. He told him everything and in the end, Filippo realized Martino and Niccolo are now in a huge fight because of him.”.

“No, you can’t blame just yourself. It’s my fault you even had to send those types of messages to Martino. If I was mature enough we would talk it through. But we both are so childish. And it is my fault as much as it is yours.”.

Filippo started crying again because he hated how much he hurt Martino who was always there beside him, especially in those times when he needed help and someone to listen.

Filippo turned to Elia and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I meant everything you read there.”. He was surprised he dared to be that straightforward. He tried to see if Elia was showing any signs he would leave or just lock himself up in the bathroom because he wasn’t feeling the same.

Elia slowly took Filippo by the hand and kissed him. And it wasn’t rushed, revengeful, awkward like their first kiss. It was just in the right moment and they knew it was what they both wanted at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the meaning of the lyrics.
> 
> I left without saying goodbye  
> And without buying a ticket  
> After all, what should I have done?  
> I dunno, maybe leave a note  
> And make a fool out of myself  
> I'd be better off if I didn't know you  
> And you play really good  
> But not with me
> 
> Say yes, while you're leaving  
> A little of you  
> Stays here even if you do not want to  
> Love me or I'll make a mess


End file.
